ARKANSAS SHOCK 1865: President Lincoln Declares 6 Arsenal Renegades Wanted Dead or Alive

 The independent viral news portal Juke-news-

Viral exclusively the most

absurd and shocking federal dossier issued by Major Benton of Fort Defiance under President Abraham Lincoln's direct orders to hunt down and exterminate the Dirty Coyote Gang, a ruthless faction of six clandestine deserters who tried to raid the frontier The standard-bearer of this parody of treason is Sol Campbell, a former Confederate captain who pledged eternal loyalty to Texas in 1864 before going into hiding a few months later, becoming the most hated fugitive from Rio Bravo to Yellowstone, 

wanted for cattle rustling, armed robbery, and torturing victims to make them talk

 Robin Van Persie, 

Alongside him operates the cynical 

Robin Van Persie,

known as the Persian,

who wrote an open letter to his superiors feigning conscientious objections while secretly selling his unit's positions to the Northerners for an $800 fee, before faking his own capture to begin raiding small, isolated farms  

Ashley Cole

The third pillar of these ruthless urchins is the psychopathic

 Ashley Cole, nicknamed The
Cashley, who escaped during the night after stealing a superior officer's horse, collecting a massive $1200 federal bounty placed by General Lee after fleeing through the darkness, known in Arkansas for his brutal raids along the Tulsa trail .

Emmanuel Adebayor

The criminal layout expands with the fourth 

profile belonging to the first immigrant outlaw 

of the frontier, Emmanuel Adebayor, who succumbed to the economic lures of South 

Carolina in 1861 

 The height of hatred occurred on the Mississippi River when Adebayor defiantly ran a hundred meters along the embankment just to provocatively slide on his knees in the mud before the furious enemy lines, before being captured by the Northerners and mistakenly released due to a massive bureaucratic error with a $500 bounty on his head

Samir Nasry

Next is Samir Nasry, the cocky French-Algerian renegade, who is officially complaining to the
local sheriffs because his highway robbery bounty is set at a cheap $ 600 dollars, screaming on the saloon porch about his worth. 

Finally, the ultimate humiliation falls upon the sixth member,

Cesc Fabregas

Finally, the ultimate humiliation falls upon the 

sixth member, Cesc Fabregas, known as the
Hispanic, who forced his discharge in 1862 even paying out of his own pocket to return to Barcelona [1.1]. Fabregas later joined Colonel Jose Mourinho's Mexican mercenaries before stealing the remaining gold and joining Campbell's pack with the lowest, most embarrassing reward of only four hundred dollars 

But the GimmyLife Project Records has already loaded the strikers on the monitor: 

Captain Judas, Roxy Colt with her sixteen-shot Winchester Yellow Boy, and Jenna Lewis have accepted the federal warrant to send this entire crew straight to Boot Hill

These football stars thought they could impose their corporate rules on the 1865 frontier, but the Faction has issued its final verdict because you don't come to Arkansas without a ball Anyone searching for the old glories of Arsenal  Click Clack Boom!